V.I.L.F. - V.P. I'd like to Fuck Mccain Palin Political T-shirt
Here at Crooked Monkey funny t-shirts we're working around the clock to produce the funny t-shirts you deserve. Whether it's political t-shirts--about democrats or republicans--or just regular old t-shirts, we're going to bring you the best shirts.
Here's what we wrote about it on our site: "The Vice Presidential pick is one of the most important decisions a presidential candidate can make. You can learn a lot about a President and his priorities by his pick. And a lot of people said that Republican John McCain was out of touch with our generation--that he was too old. Well, I think he silenced all the critics with his choice for Vice President. Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin is a Vice Presidential candidate I'd like to Fuck! V.I.L.F."
Apparently I own other businesses--even non funny t-shirt ones
I was sent this picture message today. Wow! I had no idea my brand name was so strong that it was being used to sell treats and goodies like sorbet. Fantastic.
It's in the Eastern Market. I'm probably going to go later today to collect my profits. If the manager gets all in my face, I'll just show him/her my license and move on.
If that doesn't work, I think we can probably organize a swap--funny t-shirts for sorbet. Michas have to stick together.
We just received a funny t-shirt idea from Mario. Mario read about Crooked Monkey Funny t-shirts in the Washington Post Magazine article "Making It." He kindly congratulated us on our success in the funny t-shirt world and also offered up a t-shirt idea.
Place on the T-shirt a picture, or better yet, a drawing or caricature of a plunger and under it the caption: "Man's Second Best Friend."
Thanks Mario, and let us know what you think about his funny t-shirt.
Blogging on location from Vegas--home of the funny t-shirt
Well I should've been blogging from Vegas, but instead I'm stuck in Dulles airport waiting for my plane to take off. We are delayed 5 hours because of mechanical errors. Rose from Southwest Airlines is being very helpful and has promised to right Southwest's wrong.
Heres why getting delayed sucks--we rushed over to the airport, I probably forgot a lot of stuff back at the office because we were racing to get out of there--and then you get to the airport only to have to sit there and wait. Its called hurrying up to wait. Its pretty annoying. But at least I have my blackberry (which I will be blogging about later) so I can answer all queries and concerns while I'm away.
We're going to Vegas to sell our funny t-shirts. I have a feeling that our Guys Facebook T-shirt and Girls Facebook T-shirt will do very well. We've also got a whole bunch of brand new funny t-shirts which haven't made it online yet--but we're debuting them in Vegas.
I'll talk more about funny t-shirts and Vegas as the days go on. Thanks for reading.
August is a busy month for funny t-shirts. We go from tradeshow to tradeshow, culminating in the big trip to Vegas. This year, we're taking a whole entourage to Vegas. Ben's coming, and then Heather, Sylana, Kevin, and Matt will also be in attendance. Ben and I have a suite at the Luxor Hotel--so if you're in town stop by because that's how we roll. We've got a hot tub, bubbly and I think Monday night is topless night at the Luxor. Looks like we lucked out.
Lots of movies document trips to Vegas, but I think Vince Vaughn's Swingers did it best. What funny t-shirt would Vince have worn to the clubs? I know he likes to get dressed to the nines for the BJack table, but I'm assuming if he would've hit up Pure or any of the clubs he probably would've been wearing a C monkey funny t-shirt. Here's my top 5 t-shirts, in no specific order, that Vince would've worn: -I'm not a gardener I just like hoes -Best Buds -Butterface -Keep the Ratio Strong -It's my duty to please your booty
I've been out of town for a week--sorry funny t-shirt lovers
Bloggers have tremendous responsibilities and I feel like I've neglected them for the past week. I haven't written about funny t-shirts, fruit gushers or anything since I don't even know when. I feel like I've even forgotten how to write a blog, it's been so long.
Some people say writing a blog is like riding a bike, but, for one thing, you don't have to sit on an uncomfortable bike seat when you're writing a blog. I'm actually sitting in a pretty plush chair gazing out onto a sea of Funny t-shirts. What better view could you ask for?
I was out of the office for the past week at a tradeshow, and Ben held down the fort. Making sure that the funny t-shirt empire thrived in my absence. Actually Ben made some changes while I was away. Apparently he's the new CEO of Crooked Monkey. He had a board meeting, in which he was the only attendee, and put it to a vote and miraculously won. Congratulations Ben.
I think we're going to have a whole series: Why I love ____. We're going to start off with one of the greatest inventions of the 21st Century: The gushing fruit snack. Don't ask me how it's possible, we're still trying to figure it out here at Crooked Monkey Funny t-shirts. But somehow, as soon as you bite into the fruit snack, a burst of flavor leaps into your mouth, causing a euphoric sensation of pure joy.
Why fruit gushers are better than funny t-shirts: Funny T-shirts, although very useful at bars and in most all situations, just can't satisfy your hunger or give you your daily recommended nutrients like a wholesome pack of Fruit gushers.
Common misconceptions: 1)"The sour ones are better": Whether or not you believe that the sour gushers are better than the original fruit gushers should not stop you from enjoying the classic Fruit Gusher. 2)"I'm not 13 anymore." Since when did amazing foods have age restraints? If it tasted good when you were 13, I can assure you it tastes even better when you're 23. 3)"In the exploratory phase, when they were figuring out how to install an edible fruit dispenser inside the tiny snack, scores of babies were killed." This rumor has been around since the beginning of Fruit Gushers, and I simply don't buy it.
A quick Math lesson from the newest customer of our Funny Licensed T-shirts
Jennifer R, a buyer for an online retailer that just picked up our University of Maryland college licensed t-shirts gave me a valuable lesson in mathematics. After three years in this business, she was quite surprised that I didn't know how to calculate profit margins. She'd probably also be quite surprised that I don't know the difference between net profits and gross profits, margarine and butter, and napping and sleeping.
So here's the math lesson. To calculate the profit margin of funny t-shirts (yes, this only works for funny t-shirts):
(Sale price of good-cost of good)/sale price of good. She wanted her margin to be 55%. Sounded good to me. We're just excited to spread the University of Maryland t-shirt love!
Here at Crooked Monkey Funny T-shirts we're doing what we can to prolong summer, but we're going to need your help. The office right now is fully supporting global warming--every morning we practice our doughnutting around the parking lot, take unnecessary trips to bordering states for hard to get items like toothpaste and non-recycled paper, and blast the AC. These are just some of the steps we are taking to make sure it stays hot year-round. What are you doing to make sure our kids and our kids' kids enjoy long hot winters?
Steps you can take to make sure our tans stay a little longer: 1)Wear shorts into the winter. 2)Buy a Crooked Monkey funny t-shirt and wear it as long as socially acceptable. 3)Go get a hummer from your friend down the street who bought it last year thinking it was cool to burn gas. Offer him 1/10 what he paid.
Over the last week we've had some issues with our processing center and we've been working tirelessly to get it back up and running so that people can finally enjoy their C monkey funny t-shirts.
It's been pretty annoying dealing with it--we've had to switch over merchant services and jump through hoops just to get back up and running.
Customer service is real important to us so we contacted each and every individual who tried to order one of our funny t-shirts over the last week. We emailed them with a discount code apologizing for our issues and offered 20% off their order.
So thanks to BB&T for getting everything finalized. I'm pretty psyched. Now that we're at the top of page 2 for Funny t-shirts, we're getting a bunch more orders and we can finally process them. Our wholesale customers of funny t-shirts are also now back on track--thank god!
New University of Maryland Funny Licensed College T-shirts
Great news here at Crooked Monkey Funny t-shirts. We recently received the license to produce University of Maryland T-shirts. Because of our unique approach to the college licensing world, we'll be garnering a whole bunch of excitement for these exclusive products--currently only sold at the University of Maryland.
Our t-shirts will breathe life into the mascot and yield original, tradition-inspired t-shirts. Instead of simply printing the text and logo of the college or University, we will be using school traditions to produce a totally unique product.
Obviously we chose the University of Maryland to be the first license we design for--we always try and give back to the University of Maryland whenever we can. The licensing director over there has been extremely helpful and has given us a lot of room to work with.
The irony of the whole scenario is that we got our start selling contraband Fuck Duke t-shirts. We earned a cease and desist letter from the University of Maryland in March of 2006 for those shirts. But we have now "gone legit" and will be producing school sanctioned UMD Terp Pride Wear. Even more interesting is that the same guy who busted us for the original t-shirts is the guy who is now working closely with us in producing the new UMD line. We really appreciate his vision--forgiving our original missteps and allowing Crooked Monkey funny t-shirts to turn over a new leaf.
I've attached some of the new designs for you to check out. We'll have them available for sale pretty soon and we'll update you on that. In the meantime we're looking for some wholesale outlets for our Funny Collegiate shirts. If you want your school to be a part of Crooked Monkey's funny licensed college t-shirt expansion plans, please email us or leave us a comment, telling us why you think your university should be next.
Working on Sundays--because we're dedicated to Funny T-shirts
Some people say that Sunday is god's day. But at Crooked Monkey, Sunday is just another funny t-shirt day.... Another day, another dollar.
We're blasting some Akon, Harry Belafonte's Dayo, and Toots and the Maytals, packing up orders of Funny t-shirts to Alloy, Palmercash and Crazy Dog T-shirts. While everyone else is out enjoying the pool, Facebook, and bloody mary's, were working hard to ensure that no child is left behind.
My favorite part of Sundays are the commercials for the computer show and expo centers. SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY. They're always held at the local armory or big depot. I've never been to one, but I can imagine it's a blast.
My love affair with Timbaland--even though he doesn't wear Funny T-shirts
My last girlfriend left me because she said I was more into Timbaland than her. She's probably right, but maybe if she had produced even one awesome beat, I'd of paid a little more attention to her.
Any awesome song made in the last 5 years has been touched by Timbo. While packing up some funny t-shirts, one of my interns showed me a cool video of Timbaland and Jay Z. First off, I had no idea that Timbaland produced "Dirt off your shoulders" (one of my favorite songs during college), second off, the rest of the beats in the video are straight SICK. So I've included the video for you to check out. Pay close attention to Jay Z's facial expressions--even Jay Z is blown away by Timabaland's abilities. The dialogue is a little hard to hear, so I'd suggesting sitting back, throwing on a Crooked Monkey Funny t-shirt, and watching it twice.
1) today is the start of the Olympics in Beijing, China (Go USA)
2) On that note the number 8 is considered to be lucky in Chinese Culture, because it sounds like the word "prosper" or "wealth", hopefully the number 8 will be lucky for Team USA. Especially for Michael Phelps who is trying to win 8 gold medals in swimming during these olympic games to beat the record for most gold medals won in the swimming events, the current record being 7.
3)There are 8 nights of Hanukkah.
4)Magic 8 Balls are awesome.
5)The numeral 8 is sometimes used in writing to represent the syllable "ate", so with out this we would have never had the pleasure of hearing Avril Lavigne's "Sk8er Boi".
6)Noam, Micha's brother, was 8 lbs 8 ounces when he was born.
7)On most phones the 8 represents the letters T, U and V but on the BlackBerry it is the key for B, N and X.
8)We have 8 funny t-shirts per every two rows on the website.
Countdown for Crooked Monkey Funny T-shirts To Hit Page ONE on Google
This is big, actually bigger than big, it's HUGE.
At the start of this summer when we googled "Funny T-shirts" Crooked Monkey was on page 14.
But, as of today we we are number near the top of page 2. Which means that if all goes well, and hopefully soon, Crooked Monkey Funny t-shirts will hit page 1 on Google.
We would like to thank everyone that has been apart of this, of course our staff in the office, the stores that buy from us, those who order online, anyone who sends us shirt ideas, anyone who wears our shirts, and anyone actually reading this blog.
So if you are bored at home, in your office or wherever you may be, rather than wasting your time on Facebook, which is my my day job, check up on our Google status and let us know if you see any changes.
We will keep you updated on our Google status, and keep your fingers crossed that we reach our goal of making it to page 1 sometime soon.
Working from Home--Funny t-shirts are much more fun
Today I "telecommuted." I had some meetings in College Park and instead of driving back to the office, I decided to work from my apartment. I just picked up a wireless keyboard and mouse so I can hook my laptop up to my 46" LCD 1080P TV (I had to drop that somewhere in this blog post) and sit back on my couch.
Running a t-shirt empire from a couch might sound easy, but it's not. I had to deal with the very tempting desire to nap, do laundry and light up the hookah. But instead I decided to stay steadfast and focus on funny shirts.
Well I did succumb to the wonders of happy hour--since I live in the city and work in the suburbs (Somewhat backwards I know), I rarely get to enjoy happy hour. And on a night like this I just had to. I just showered and am now writing this post in a towel. Ladies don't get too excited--I'm a sephardic Jew and thus was blessed with a hairy chest. Some women love it, some don't. I love the women that do love it. (That's my sister in the picture) Anywyas, that's it from funny shirt land. Cause i've got to go enjoy some margaritas at Lauriol Plaza
Fresh off their last YouTube sensation, "All my friends" (which got over 140,000 hits) the kids from Brooklyn just produced their newest single: Evening Life. It's a pretty awesome song with a rare beat, for a rock song. The lead singer, Alex Feder, is a pretty phenomenal dancer--I've had the pleasure of going to clubs in NYC and seeing girls gawk and scream at his Michael Jackson-like moves. I think he's even been referred to as the Jewish Chris Brown.
The XYZ affair shows their ability to "put down their instruments and strap on their dancing shoes." If you're in NYC you should check them out as they put on an awesome show. At the very least, watch the video, tell your friends to watch the video and look out for them on the scene. They're pretty famous, they have a Wikipedia article: XYZ affair wikipedia article.
Crooked Monkey's Funny T-shirts go great with this kind of music. So pick up a funny t shirt, listen to their music and you're ready for "Evening Life."
Meetings with Alloy and Seventeen Magazine about our Funny t shirts!
So besides going to shows and cruisng around town with has-been governors (see our blog post from yesterday about my trip to New York City), we're also meeting with some big whigs in the city.
Today I met the buyer from Alloy, for the first time. She's picked up a lot of our funny t shirts, which have been doing real well, so we finally had to meet. We invited her to our NYC showroom and it was a true meeting of the minds.
We showed her our new funny t-shirts, chatted about bridge and tunnel girls, and looked into ways we can work together in the future. She actually gave us a bunch of ideas to work on for the meeting--i posted one of our new funny t-shirts below. She challenged us to come up with some vintage looking destination shirts and she was real impressed with our concepts. The new shirts remind me of old school destination shirts you'd find in those old vintage shops. We're going to be coming out with a whole series of these--if you have any cities you want done, or if you can think of any clever lines for cities, please do email us or post them here.
I'm actually pretty tired so I'll blog about Seventeen magazine tomorrow--just enjoy the sneak peak at our newest vintage looking funny t shirt.
Awesome. I'm looking into getting a phone number that anyone can text when they have t-shirt ideas, questions, comments, or funny t-shirt sightings.
If you know of anything let me know--and I'm not talking about those "Text 4655 so that we can spam you" numbers. I'm talking about a real phone number: "240-555-5679" that basically only receives text messages. Even better yet, if it turns it into an email and emails us.
Crooked Monkey goes to New York City--watch out Mr. Trump
We've got a tradeshow in NYC this week. Actually I'm at it right now. We're showing our new line of Hoodies, Thermals and Pants. Pretty amazing that we've expanded into the realm of pants and hoodies. To think how far we've come in the world of funny t-shirts.
The reception has been well received and we'll be posting the Fall samples for everyone to see somewhat soon. We picked up a bunch of new stores, so look out for Crooked Monkey Funny t-shirts at a retailer near you.
Instead of putting up pictures of me and and the Donald getting bottle service at some trendy lounges in the Lower East Side, I decided to put picutres of me and former-Governor Spitzer riding around town looking for prostitutes--because even though I'm not a governor I still like the hoes.
Well actually I forgot my camera on that ride, so I'll just post some pictures of the new samples of our funny t-shirts, funny hoodies, and funny pants.
For both pictures, From left: Hilary, Max, Rachel, Laura, Andre, Amanda.
True story. So last night I was out at a bar and I saw this girl wearing our retired Crooked Monkey funny t-shirt, Sorry boys I only blow shofar. Sad but true, she was a complete Butterface.
So a few drinks later I had to break the seal. I walked into the unlocked bathroom and there was the butterface, hooking up with some guy. So I guess she uses that shirt as a real pick-up tool. I don't know how their night ended but I doubt she was blowing any shofars.
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