We don't talk about the Washington Redskins too often, because it's the same story every year.  High expectations in the preseason coupled with low results on the field.  But the main problem with the Redskins is that we are perennially subpar, but never horribly bad.  We go 7-9 every season, which just puts us in limbo.  No playoffs, and no draft picks.  We need to just suck. Stop trying to win games, stop trying to stay in the middle of the pact, and just embrace the future.

Take a look at the Panthers. They sucked last year--and they got Cam Newton.  They suck this year, and they'll get another few draft picks.  In two years, they're going to have built a contending team.  Take note, Redskins.  Lose out the rest of your games, and don't make excuses along the way.

Summer Cold's suck. School's out, my friends are playing in the sprinklers, and I'm stuck inside trying to beat back a cold.

I've taken pride in my new found ability to beat/fight/lessen the severity of the common cold.  I've gotten so good at it, I'd like to share my non-scientific pieces of advice with you.

When you notice the cold is coming--I always get a little bit of phlegm in the throat, and an overall uneasiness in the throat area--you gear up for war.  Go to the store, get some Zinc (in the form of Zycam or coldeez or whatever you like), some tea, some honey, airborne pills (if you're into them), and nyquil.  I like to keep the medication as natural as possible, but when you're hot and cold, and your nose is running through the night, you need some nyquil to put you to bed.

Now that you're ready for world war 3, you drink lots and lots of water and hot tea (with honey).  As much water as you can.  The fluids are integral.  That's the other great thing about airborne pills--they encourage you to drink more water. Throughout the day take some zinc and the airbornes. Get a lot of rest.  At night take the nyquil.  Wake up and do it all over again. Drink drink drink.

That night, take nyquil again and you should be fine by the next morning.  Maybe take an airborne for good measures.  And continue to drink water.  Then, when you're feeling good about yourself, and the cold is on its way out the door, give it a nice boot through the exit door.  Go work out and sweat out the cold.  That's my favorite thing to do.  Then take a shower.  You'll feel like a million bucks.

And when it's all done, reward yourself.  You've just gone to battle with the oldest warrior on the planet.  Go buy yourself an awesome t-shirt.

I was at the Pool the other day at my friends apartment complex and it was turning into a beautiful sight. Weather was great, talent was fantastic, and the sun was plentiful. But just as I was laying down to get comfortable this 50 year old lady, with burnt, brown, shriveled up skin walked by me carrying floating devices and other pool accessories. I turned to the girl next to me who lives in the complex and she explained to me that that lady was a staple at the pool and part-time instructor for the morning aerobics class. I was happy to hear that she was active, but I was tempted to grab some SPF 60 and rub it all over her skin. Either that or clothe her with a Crooked Monkey Funny t-shirt

Just a few days before this incident, my ex-gf extolled the virtues of facial cream--I don't need to go into the jokes I made about providing her with some facial cream. She explained that I should be applying facial moisturizer every morning. But not just any moisturizer, but one that contains SPF 15--even in the winter. In order to keep your face young and wrinkle free, even guys must use moisturizer--or so she says. She was kind enough to purchase me a bottle of it, and even wrote on the bottle "For Men," because she knew I wouldn't use it otherwise.

After seeing that lady in the pool, I was convinced.

Today was the first morning of my new life. I'll keep you posted.