4 years ago my younger brother stepped foot onto the University of Maryland as a wide-eyed freshmen.  I was jealous--as he was about to embark on a new set of experiences that would define his future.  He was prepared--with a suitcase full of Crooked Monkey t-shirts.  Day one--he chose an original classic, our "My Roommate is gay" t-shirt.  That's the shirt that clothed him as he stepped into his dorm for the first time, and met his unsuspecting roommate.   They had a good laugh and became close friends.  Throughout the years my brother sported countless other tees, and became known as the dude with the greatest wardrobe on campus. People would come up to him to see what shirt he was wearing on any given day.

As you can imagine, he's got loads of funny episodes with Crooked Monkey t-shirts.  One night out at the bars, the girl he was hanging out with made him turn his "No one's ugly after 2 am" shirt inside out as the clock struck 2 am.

Last week was somewhat of a sad and nostalgic day for him.  He graduated.  So he pulled out the t-shirt that he was holding onto for exactly this occasion.  Our "Never Leave College" John Belushi tribute shirt.  That slogan was our company's original rallying cry. Having just left, we created this company to "Never Leave College."

What a way to bookend college.  Way to live the dream.

Once or twice a year my apartment complex slips the dreaded "Apartment inspection" note under our door. We usually have Seven days to prepare our house for inspection.

It's not the college dorm room inspection--where they're looking for drugs, alcohol, and toaster ovens. This is the next version--they look for cats, dogs, and BBQ grills. We've got the latter.

It's a huge BBQ, like 4 Ft high, 6 Ft wide and 3 Ft wide. So its a real work of art hiding this thing. To successfully hide it from the authorities, we turned to the best. We took notes from Elliot, who hid E.T. in a closet filled with trinkets and blankets.
We got very creative with our disguise--starting off with a blanket to fully cover the monster. Then we added two duffel bags flanking the grill, a 37" TV box, a fold up mattress, golf clubs, and silverware. The goal is to make the closet look like such a mess that no one in their right mind would enter into the room. When everything was finished, we sprinkling dirty laundry on top of everything--a few socks and underwear--to really add to the exhibit.

And to top it off, we made sure my bed was real nice and messy which really enhanced the overall image.

As it turns out, my roommate Eddie is good friends with the inspection dude. So the guy knocked on the door, asked if we were housing pets, we answered no, and he went on his way.

Some things in life are just mysteries. The pyramids, the Bermuda triangle, and the senior who lives in the freshman dorms. I mean, who is this guy? How does he keep getting freshman housing? He’s not an RA, he’s not going on Beer Runs, he’s not even getting with freshman girls. Why is he here? I mean, get an apartment.

Today, as I was walking down Campus Drive, I realized what was missing from my life. I need a companion, a sidekick… something to love unconditionally, something to care for, something to feed live mice to. So I bought a snake. I named him Merv. The pet store owner said he shouldn’t grow to be longer than fourteen inches, so I still got that snake beat.

Now, you may be thinking to yourself, “A snake? In a dorm room? That’s ridiculous” But I’m thinking, “A snake? In a dorm room? Why didn’t I do this sooner?” And as for the ladies, I know they’ll love Merv…after all, they’ve been pretty satisfied with the other snakes that they’ve encountered in my room.

Now, dont get me wrong. Im here to learn. But Stat 101 at 9 AM? Youve got to be kidding me. I rolled out of bed, head pounding, thinking of all the ways I was going to kill my Advisor. Once I got there, I grabbed a seat in the back, looked up, and there she was. Who is that? Was this Statistics or a Maxim Casting Call? She was perfect. And when the professor introduced the goddess as his TA, I couldnt believe my luck. I get to look at that all semester? Looks like Ill be showing up on time. And staying after class for extra help. I might even change my major to accounting…

Check out the shirt that inspired this Blog

Don't forget, when the monkey writes about a shirt, that shirt goes on sale for a week. Enjoy!

Everyday it seems I meet more and more chill people. Today was great- just kicked back with some of the boys in my room. Towel under the door, fan pointed out the window, febreeze in hand. The RA had no idea. Charged a bunch of bananas to my student meal card, and they were all in my stomach within minutes. I dont think bananas have ever tasted that good before. Ill catch you guys later, Ive got some Bob Marley to listen to.

Check out the guys shirt that inspired this blog post
Check out the girls shirt that inspired this blog post

P.S. Everytime the monkey posts a blog about a t-shirt, that shirt goes on sale for one week! Just another reason why the monkey kicks ass.

It's Halloween time! One of my favorite holidays! Late October is just about when you start to see the Freshman Fifteen starting to pack on- halfway through first semester when the beer and 4 am pizza start to show. We encourage everyone to hurry up and get them freshman while they're still skinny!

Senior year of high school:

Freshmen year of college:

Last night was just a teaser of whats to come. Met the girls next door, and lets just say they love the monkey. Naturally the party ended up in my room, where I played the role I was born to play: life of the party. They couldnt get enough. The party was pretty big at one point, but obviously there were far more buns than hot dogs. Absolutely delicious. And one lucky lady left with a fantastic after taste.

Check out the shirt that inspired this blog post
P.S. Everytime I post a blog about a t-shirt, that shirt goes on sale for a few days. Enjoy!

Ever wonder where legends sleep? Here it is- the dream. My dorm room. And Im inviting you in to live it with me. The times that will be spent in my new room will be pure glory- well, at least the ones that Ill remember. This is where it will all happen. This is where Ill stumble into bed after a crazy night, and this is where Ill stumble out of bed just a few hours later make it to class on time. Come on in, grab a drink, check your morals at the door, and click around. Lets live the dream together.