Its the holiday season, and people like to buy Crooked Monkey shirts for their friends--because they want their friends to love their gifts and not return them.
We have a gift option at the checkout, and we have the pleasure of writing whatever note you want us to write. We've written a funny blog post about the notes we've written. But this is a different post.
This is about our interns who write those notes and how pretty they make them, because they want the gift to be perfect. Anyways, enjoy this special gift note, and when you buy a shirt from us, take advantage of our interns. Not in the sexual kind of way, but in the "They'll make your gift look even cooler than it already is" way.
This creation was done by Jacqui, our intern from Walter Johnson High School.
We're gearing up for the launch of our graphic t-shirts, with a "Photoshoot at the Warehouse" in Washington DC, mid-September.
It's going to be as much a launch of our graphic line as a celebration of how cool DC has gotten. Over the last few years I've written a lot about DC--how it's become hipper and funner everyday. It's about to get a lot cooler.
The party, featuring our t-shirts and all that DC has to offer--from Emperor Vodka to Mi n Yu in Georgetown to graffiti artists--will be a true testament to Crooked Monkey's roots in Washington DC. Now all we need is a professional sports team that can win games.
Details about the party--including the invitations, timelines and guests--will be on the blog throughout the month.
One day a week, I work from my apartment instead of the Crooked Monkey offices. These days turn into mini staycations--I get to explore parts of DC, have meetings at new restaurants, and get lost in the streets of Washington DC.
It breathes inspiration into our funny and graphic t-shirts. If you're all about DC staycations, check out KstreetKate's blog--she's about to drop some knowledge on the topic.
Hilary had to come into work late today because her house was toilet papered and Egged. To make things worse, it was pouring while she cleaned up the mess. As you can imagine, she wasn't very happy this morning. But we want to turn that frown upside down.
We're going to start a fund to purchase eggs and toilet paper so she can retaliate against the perpetrators. 10% of the sale of t-shirts for the next 2 hours will go to a special Intern fund! And our Father's Day coupon is still up (Promo code: "Father") so go help a good cause--Crooked Monkey Rules.
Yesterday I decided that I wanted to get to the office early, so I left my apartment at 9 AM. I was rewarded with a lot of traffic and an extra 25 minutes to my early morning commute. I learned my lesson. Today I'm still working from my apartment.
Early bird gets the worm? More like, early bird gets stuck in traffic.
But I had to find a way to thank Twitter for the recent celebrity sighting--Ryan Seacrest wearing our I'm not a gardener i juts like hoes t-shirt. Now Twitter resides in the coveted email signature.
As a wholesaler of funny t-shirts, Crooked Monkey has always found creative ways to get our t-shirts into the hands of the end consumer (that's you!).
In the beginning we used to drive around in our Honda Civic--making appointments and delivering shirts on site. Then we started attending tradeshows--really launching our brand further. We started to get recognized at these tradeshows and attending more and more of them. At the height of our love of tradeshows, we probably attended 20 shows/year. Buyers from retail stores all over the country, and the world, came to check out our newest lines and see what new wholesale opportunities were available for them.
Then came the recession. Buyers realized that a trip to Las Vegas, with all the associated costs, was just not in the cards, baby. They decided, and rightfully so, that they'd rather use their money on clothing, and not on frivolous trips. By August of 2008, we decided that Crooked Monkey would significantly reduce its presence at tradeshows and increase its direct contact with stores--either thru road trips (returning to the glory days), phone calls, emails, and other methods.
It is with a bitter sweet feeling that I report that we made the right decision. The Tradeshow is dead. They have become a waste of time. Crooked Monkey has managed to reduce its presence at shows, while still growing during this great recession--proof that quality and awesomeness at the right price is priceless.
Here's one other issue that really irks me about tradeshows. The slowing economy causes less retailers to attend tradeshows. Meaning that wholesalers, like Crooked Monkey, sell less clothes at these shows. The logical progression would be that Tradeshows should drop the price of their shows and offer incentives--yet they continue to charge astronomical prices. How does that make any sense? Not a sermon, just a thought.
Oh and the picture below is from our first ever tradeshow 3 years ago! That's Jon, Della and Me.
Crooked Monkey is run by under 30 year olds, so sometimes, shady retailers like to think they can take advantage of us. It's time to think again.
A store that carries our shirts on the East Coast, (We're going to keep the name under wraps for the time being) buys a lot of our shirts. They've been buying our shirts for over 3 years now, but have only been paying for our shirts for 2.5 years. Jerks.
For some reason, they decided not to pay invoices from April of 2007 (2 years ago) until February of 2008. Before, and since, they have paid all their invoices (always late and never without incident, but at least they paid). During that span, they decided to take a break from paying for the shirts we sent. I believe that's called stealing.
Over the last two years we have sent them countless notices, invoices, and statements. In return they have avoided phone calls, not responded to emails and played dumb.
Two months ago we decided to take it to another level and demand payment. They then told us that they disputed the invoices, "I totally dispute all about 2007 story. and i will not even look at it."
In comes our legal team.
Here's an excerpt from the letter, "Should we fail to receive payment in full within thirty (30) days, we will be proceeding with legal action which will not only mandate interest and attorney’s fees, but the cost of enrolling the Judgment in New York."
Take that, assholes.
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Prior to this weekend, I was excited about all the crowds descending on DC. 1.8 million people--Every single one of them super excited about Obama (and the accompanying BJs for Obama). Young, good looking, fun crowds. But then I had to wait in line every where I went. The bars, clubs, lounges, restaurants, Subway, Cab lines. And that was before the inauguration even started.
Never has a t-shirt meant so much to me than during the inauguration. I could've handed out 1.8 million I don't do lines t-shirts and it wouldn't have been enough.
Living in DC, we felt it was our duty to head down to the capitol to celebrate Obama's victory. On Monday, I drove down to the Rayburn Office building to pick up our tickets for the inauguration. With all the street closings and sidewalk barricades, I knew that we had some difficult days ahead.
Monday night we brought my brother out into DC to witness History. He was wearing some raggedy shoes, jeans, and a parka that was a cross between a large tent and a moomoo. But we got him into the VIP room of one of the hottest clubs in DC, "Current." The night ended at around 4 AM rocking out on Rockband 2.Three and a half hours later our alarm went off and we set out on our journey. Armed with hand warmers, hats and gloves we mapped out our 3 mile walk to the Capitol.
It would take about an hour, in the blistering cold, but we knew Obama would do the same for us. Then we stepped outside into the freezing cold; we hailed the first cab we saw. He drove us as far as he could and we got out of the cab only to follow the crowds, in the wrong direction, for about 10 minutes. There were so many street closings and restrictions that figuring your way around DC was almost impossible. But we chose to go to the inauguration not because it was easy, but because it was hard.
We finally got to what we thought was our security gate. We weaved through the line and passed security in record timing. We were psyched. It was about 2 hours until Obama took the stage and we figured we had given ourselves enough time to get settled. We videotaped a victory speech of sorts--detailing our journey and our tribluations. The Mission was accomplished. We only needed to cross one street and we'd be at our gate. But between us and the street crossing stood hundreds of policeman on horses, metal gates and big concrete barricades. I pointed to the wall and yelled, Mr. Policeman, tear down this wall. That didn't work out too well.
Christmas has come early for Crooked Monkey. Nine days early. Today we shipped a record number of online orders, making sure that you guys will be able to give your t-shirts on time this holiday season. The most fun part of holiday shipping, is the gift-messages we get to write on behalf of our customers.
Its a fun exercise, as we hand write each letter, but are not allowed to correct or even question the messages posted. Most of the stuff is composed of indecipherable inside jokes, replete with LOLs and OMGs. And usually its just wishing someone a happy Kwanza or Ramadan.
But today we got an interesting one. The t-shirt purchased was Dead Man Walking, and the gift card read: "Will U plz marry me, ring 2 follow."
A bit impersonal, but we're happy to help in anyway we can. Sometimes, a t-shirt making fun of marriage is the best way to get someone to marry you. Playing hard to get--even up until the last second. I admire that.
Our New York City Showroom is coming down to DC to visit the Crooked Monkey offices on Thursday and Friday. January will be our three year anniversary, but this will mark the first time that these city folk will venture down to the famed warehouse.
We're super excited and are getting the office ready for the big event. We're preparing a grand welcome--21 gun salute, flower petals and kegs. Apparently, Heather's never played Beer pong, which probably means she's also never done a KegStand. By the time she's done with her visit, she'll be able to check both of those off her list.
We rented a nice room for her, Sylana and Todd in my apartment complex. I told them to bring their PJs because we might forgo the room if I decide to host a slumber party in the Taft Suite. Details to follow.
Just the other day we issued our first ever Autographed t-shirt. Right above the "Made in Honduras" label is chicken scratch that reads "Micha Weinblatt," reminiscent of a third graders first attempts at cursive. But we're not here to judge my pathetically uninspiring signature.
We're here to celebrate the first in a series of autographed t-shirts. The original recipient of this special bonus was my brother's girlfriend, Julia Friedman. She is the only person I knew whose excitement and cheeriness warrants such a special first time gift.
But now that we see its success, we are considering autographing 1 out of every 1,000 shirts we ship, for a yearly drawing to tour the Crooked Monkey's funny t-shirt headquarters, meet the staff, and possibly become the next CEO of Crooked Monkey.
Breaking News: Facebook has officially recognized Crooked Monkey as a network on Facebook. This is huge. This is bigger than when we made the Forbes 500 list last year. Crooked Monkey has joined the ranks of other companies found officially on Facebook like Nike, Under Armour, and Google.
Now when I tell people I work for Crooked Monkey, I know that I have the credibility of Facebook's Network system to back up my claims. If you'd like to join our network, email us a compelling reason (or post it here) and if we like it, we'll let you join it.
Crooked Monkey is a big supporter of the University of Maryland and its endeavors. I always like to remind people that Crooked Monkey got its start selling Fuck Duke t-shirts. What humbled beginnings. We ran through the dorms, selling from door-to-door, getting chased out of buildings by RAs and police. But that did not stop us. We wanted to make sure that ESPN and everyone else out there watching the game new that we hated Duke, and that Testudo bent the Blue Devil over and gave it to him from behind.
Since those early days a lot has changed, but a lot has also remained the same. We still produce awesome t-shirts--just now they're refined and legal. We still sell t-shirts--just now we sell to retail locations with business licenses and permits. We still run from the cops--just now its cause these guns are illegal in 48 states.
So yesterday we joined the Dingman Center for Entrepreneurship at their annual marketplace. We even made the front page of the Diamondback, the University of Maryland school newspaper.
Twas the night before a big shipment, when all through the warehouse Every creature was stirring; even the boss.
Drjays.com, an awesome online retailer, put it in a huge order on Monday, which we had to print, bag, tag, and deliver by today. In order to make it happen we had to perfrom some miracles. Just to put it in perspective, it's the equivalent of a professor assigning the final exam and a term paper two nights before its due date.
We took on the task because we like performing miracles, and we were thrilled that Dr. Jays wanted to pick our t-shirts up for the holidays. So last night we got the shipment of shirts in at 7 PM and the pizza arrived shortly thereafter at 7:15. We spent the first 45 minutes of the night eating pizza and procrastinating. At around 8 we realized we should buckle down, because the shipment wouldn't prepare itself.
We had Ben, Tammy, Jessica and myself on hand to accomplish the task. We didn't leave the office until 11:30. Ben missed the football game, Jessica had two tests and a quiz that she forgot to study for, and Tammy missed her bedtime by about 3 hours.
This morning at 9 AM the shipment was picked up and delivered to Dr. Jays. You'll see us on their site within the next few days. Buy a shirt to support our miracle working.
I thought you would all be excited to hear that Crooked Monkey now offers its CEO health insurance. It's a pretty big move--considering the fact that I've been uninsured for some time now. Luckily, moving around soft, fluffy, funny t-shirts hasn't resulted in any major injuries or sicknesses, but its always good to be insured.
I'm going to be a little more reckless now. So listen out for some good stories to come.
After three years of no mini-fridge, Crooked Monkey now has a home for its Gatorade bottles, Grey Goose handles, and pizza bagels.
It took this long because we were looking for just the right mini-fridge to fit in the office. Ben actually doubted that we would ever get a fridge, but I proved him wrong the other day when I surprised everyone with the mini-fridge and stocked it with the aforementioned goodies before anyone else got to work. And one-by-one each individual noticed the mini fridge, and offered their own unique reactions. Everything from high-fives, to bear hugs, to tears.
We're always looking to improve the experience for the Crooked Monkey team. It's not easy producing Funny T-shirts, and we want to show the C Monkey team that we appreciate everyone's hard work at creating the funniest t-shirts on the planet. And this mini fridge is just the beginning.
I've been out of town for a week--sorry funny t-shirt lovers
Bloggers have tremendous responsibilities and I feel like I've neglected them for the past week. I haven't written about funny t-shirts, fruit gushers or anything since I don't even know when. I feel like I've even forgotten how to write a blog, it's been so long.
Some people say writing a blog is like riding a bike, but, for one thing, you don't have to sit on an uncomfortable bike seat when you're writing a blog. I'm actually sitting in a pretty plush chair gazing out onto a sea of Funny t-shirts. What better view could you ask for?
I was out of the office for the past week at a tradeshow, and Ben held down the fort. Making sure that the funny t-shirt empire thrived in my absence. Actually Ben made some changes while I was away. Apparently he's the new CEO of Crooked Monkey. He had a board meeting, in which he was the only attendee, and put it to a vote and miraculously won. Congratulations Ben.
Working on Sundays--because we're dedicated to Funny T-shirts
Some people say that Sunday is god's day. But at Crooked Monkey, Sunday is just another funny t-shirt day.... Another day, another dollar.
We're blasting some Akon, Harry Belafonte's Dayo, and Toots and the Maytals, packing up orders of Funny t-shirts to Alloy, Palmercash and Crazy Dog T-shirts. While everyone else is out enjoying the pool, Facebook, and bloody mary's, were working hard to ensure that no child is left behind.
My favorite part of Sundays are the commercials for the computer show and expo centers. SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY. They're always held at the local armory or big depot. I've never been to one, but I can imagine it's a blast.
Working from Home--Funny t-shirts are much more fun
Today I "telecommuted." I had some meetings in College Park and instead of driving back to the office, I decided to work from my apartment. I just picked up a wireless keyboard and mouse so I can hook my laptop up to my 46" LCD 1080P TV (I had to drop that somewhere in this blog post) and sit back on my couch.
Running a t-shirt empire from a couch might sound easy, but it's not. I had to deal with the very tempting desire to nap, do laundry and light up the hookah. But instead I decided to stay steadfast and focus on funny shirts.
Well I did succumb to the wonders of happy hour--since I live in the city and work in the suburbs (Somewhat backwards I know), I rarely get to enjoy happy hour. And on a night like this I just had to. I just showered and am now writing this post in a towel. Ladies don't get too excited--I'm a sephardic Jew and thus was blessed with a hairy chest. Some women love it, some don't. I love the women that do love it. (That's my sister in the picture) Anywyas, that's it from funny shirt land. Cause i've got to go enjoy some margaritas at Lauriol Plaza
Amy's Poor Little Big Toe... blame the funny t-shirts.
Amy's left big toe just can't catch a break. Last weekend, while running in the rain she tripped while going to retrieve a shipment of funny t-shirts from a UPS truck. Part of her nail broke off and it was very sad and painful. Today, while packaging up an outgoing funny t-shirt order, Enrique, the packing tape dispenser that has really sharp fangs, hit the exact same toe! Blood was everywhere. We had to bandage the wound with one of our soft funny t-shirts (just kidding Micha). You may be thinking this is a pretty gross blog post, but it just demonstrates the physical turmoil Crooked Monkey employees endure in order to provide you with funny t-shirts. Don't feel bad, we're happy to do it... regardless of the battle wounds we put up with. So hang in there, Amy's little big toe! Crooked Monkey fans all over the world appreciate you.
As I said in a previous post, Crooked Monkey employees are citizens of the world. In fact, this summer our beautiful, funny t-shirt loving interns went to some pretty exotic places. Butt Buddies Cara and Joanna just returned from volunteering in townships in South Africa. And first friends Amy and Chloe spent two weeks struggling to speak French and making fools of themselves in Corsica and Paris. Helping African children and romancing French boys are just some of the ways Crooked Monkey funny t-shirt employees are making an international impact. Crooked Monkey interns travel far and wide, and wear funny t-shirts in some of the most remote and beautiful places in the world. In fact, I think its safe to say we put the "intern" in "international".
Our warehouse, while effective and functional, was in desperate need of a little TLC. Despite being the home to dozens of funny t-shirts, and the place where ideas for funny t-shirts are born, it is also the sacred home to the Crooked Monkey staff, and recently, it has been a little neglected.
Thats why, the other day, we decided to put a little love, and elbow grease, into the C. Monkey office. We did a major clean up/throw away,rearranged the shelves, and redecorated a bit. Most importantly, we put up the 10 feet wide by 10 feet long poster that intern Emily Kahn drew for a trade show last year. It was exactly what the Crooked Monkey Warehouse needed!!
These videos will give you a little taste of life at Crooked Monkey. Enjoy Chloe whining, Amy giggling, Ben chilling, Micha supervising and Erik sighing sadly. Also, enjoy the in-depth discussion on the nuances of duct tape.
Today, the Stork dropped off a special little bundle of joy at the Crooked MonkeyFunny T-Shirt headquarters. By the stork, of course we mean Jason the UPS Guy and by little bundle of joy we mean a brand new fancy shmancy non-circa 1908 electric scale. In the past, the only electric scales that had anything to do with Crooked Monkey were the ones used for the mandatory weigh-ins that Micha subjects all female employees to daily.
Kidding. In fact, until today we used an old school, Mac From Way Back non-electric scale that involved balancing, bending over, and a lot of frustration (kind of like Micha's friday night). This new scale should make all of our lives a lot easier and will ensure speedier and more effective packages of funny t shirts.
So be assured that any funny t shirt you order from us will be packed with a lot of love and care, thanks to the new addition to the C. Monkey fam!
Newest Fashion Intern makes a splash--funny t-shirt blogs watch out
Amy Dahan, pictured above in her summer get up, started working for Crooked Monkey last week and she's already started to have an impact on the funny t-shirt world. She's gotten a couple of blogs to write about us already--nice work.
This is actually her second stint at Crooked Monkey. She worked for a hot minute last year at our annual University of Maryland Trunk show. She's hanging with our other interns: Chloe and Emily. Enjoy! And don't forget to check out our funny guys t-shirts and cute girls t-shirts
Crooked Monkey shatters record for shipments in one day
As some of you may know, Crooked Monkey ships lots of funny t-shirts to lots of boutiques. When said store owner opens the box, they are in store for a ton of goodies: banana candy, stickers, and the most hilarious shirts known to man.
Today was somewhat of a record--as we shipped 45 boxes (not including the slew of online orders that we also shipped). Everyone at the office did a fantastic job getting all the orders out.
For the last couple of weeks, we have been dealing with a printer in LA who totally screwed us over and refused to ship out our shirts. As a result, lots of people have been forced to go without Crooked Monkey t-shirts for quite some time now. What a shanda. Well, we finally got shirts in stock today and we were determined to ship out as much as humanly possible. We apologize to everyone who waited so patiently for their orders. But we are now officially back up and running. So now we can get back to doing what we do best: providing people with the coolest shirts on the planet.
Anyone living in LA that would like to give this guy a piece of your mind, let us know and we'll gladly give you his phone number and address.
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Its the holiday season, and people like to buy Crooked Monkey shirts for their friends--because they want their friends to love their gifts and not return them.
